Sunday, February 05, 2006

Real Emails I Have Received And That Are Bad

Oh! I LOVE this bit!

EXAMPLE 1

Hi, on the girlfriend side of things, I've been seeing someone since September, but the way she has avoided spending two days in a row with me is a concern, as I love and value commitment, plus once before I was two timed by someone, so wonder if history is repeating from her. Online risks slipping to "flaming" harsh online talk one would never do in real life, and you did that to me, but I know if we meet we'd have a grand time, hence my humble quest for a drink with your grace.

[Does anyone know what this email means, at all?]

EXAMPLE 2

"Subject: My Life Is Brilliant

I met an angel, of that I'm sure... mail me!"

[It is no mistake that 'Blunt' rhymes with 'Cunt', as I am sure I am not the first to point out.]

EXAMPLE 3

Hello Pretty.
How are you doing today and i hope everything is Good over there?well i just got accross your profiles on here today and its really caught my intrest cos the way you're looking so attractive and seems you're a princess..That really rouched in my heart and soul that i can't go over without contact you and would really like to get to know you more better and it's would be very nice to meet you this nice beautiful lady.So i would like to know more about you,your family and lot's more..but before i go let me express myself to you in a little way.
Well am steven by name 39 year's old from brooklyn,newyork .Well i love swimming....playing football and tennis....travelling....fishing and so on...i'm a passionate, sensitive and caring man who is not afraid to show his feelings. I'm a very tactile person and would like my date to be the same type of person.So i would like to stop here now and if you really found me intrested or wanna contact me..you kinda send me an email directly to my personal email address.. xxxx and would be looking forward hearing from you.. Have a nice day..
Lot's of love and Blessing's

Holy shit. It seems I am a princess. Excellent!

Oh no. You see what happens is that I want to put loads of emails on this and then I do and then I delete them ... because it's nice people being nice. Oh dear. Maybe I have a heart.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

All emails you get should be published - this sort of editing is unforgiveable on the internet which is, after all, the kingdom of free speech and expression.

6:34 AM  
Blogger Datingmonkey said...

Yeah I know but if I did the site would be over-run by them and you know what ... I don't want to be MEAN. Unlikely as it is I don't want to imagine the face of some poor sap who's written an email in good faith and then has the piss taken out of him. Does that make me a wetsy?

Thanks for stopping by, as they say ...

DM xx

8:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am from across the pond, and find your writing style charming. May I fantasize and lust after my self-made mental image of you?

L

p.s. if your answer is "absolutely not" (or any version of same), then can you at least tell me what "a wetsy" means?

8:52 AM  

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