Monday, February 06, 2006

Don't Look For Love On The Line If You Are A Bit Mad

Listen to me. And listen hard. If you are unbalanced in ANY WAY, do not do it. I don't mean proper la-la-my-cat-is-a-baby mad, I mean unstable. Insecure. A bit shaky on your feet. Your momma didn't love you, or something. That kind of mad. Because you will find online dating addictive, and you will suddenly find yourself caring very much about whether or not Trevor from Milton Keynes (grey plastic shoes and all) has marked you as a favourite.

Put it in context. Usually, you are a fully functional, attractive human being. You move about the world revelling in your own loveliness/friends/life, blah blah blah. But suddenly someone who you would not normally notice in the street doesn't reply to your lazy half-arsed message (sent because no-one else was online), and you're chewing your arm off. Not good. Come on, we all want a decent relationship with another human being of about the same level of decent-ness as us, but to actually take seriously what someone you have NEVER MET thinks? No. Unstable.

OK, so there are times when you are feeling a bit sore. Like no-one will ever love you. That kind of pale grey relentless stuff. And it's cheering when nice boys wave at you on the online. Tell you you're pretty even though you haven't got a picture up. But please don't take it seriously. In fact, if I'm going to be really helpful here, don't take ANYTHING seriously until you've been on at least 5 dates and you've met their friends. Oh, go on, sleep with them on the first date, if you want to. I wouldn't recommend it, but if you really want to, do. But don't believe a word they say until you've seen what they keep under their bed. In fact, a rule for life: don't get attached for two months. At least. (Do as I say. Not as I do.)

I may be wrong. But better safe than sorry. Especially if you sometimes talk to your cat(s) like they're people. In baby voices.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is very wise advice. Did your mother tell you this or did you work it out for yourself? This should be obligatory reading for anyone starting out on the road to ultimate happiness that is internet dating.

6:31 AM  
Blogger Datingmonkey said...

Too kind. I worked it out myself with the help of numerous psychotherapists and, well ... actually, it's probably common sense, isn't it? I'm sure my mummy had something to do with it, For She Is Wise. But thank you very much for leaving a comment. Do drop by again and good luck if you're doing it too - how's it going?

DM xx

8:50 AM  

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