Sunday, April 09, 2006

Good and Bad Things About Internet Dating

Internet dating is good. Sometimes, it can be boring, which is bad. It can be hard work.

Mainly, though, it is entertaining. Oh yes.

You see, all you do is turn on your computer, press some buttons, sometimes pay a bit of money, and there, within reach, are millions and millions of ladies and gentlemen for you to look at and choose from. Sometimes they even choose you. Even if you don't want them to.

Anyway. Some obviously random good and bad things about internet dating:


GOOD THINGS ABOUT INTERNET DATING:

Can do it when naked and eating biscuits and/or cake.

Can do it when there's nothing else to do.

Can do it if you need brief sense that you are not a minger and/or loser

You get to go on dates with some people who turn into stories

You get to go on dates with people whose name you forget immediately, but you might meet them in a nice pub you don't
know of that you can then go to with people you actually like

You get to go on dates with people so awful they make you dribble

You get to go on dates with interesting people who turn into friends

If you want it, you can get random meaningless shags with people you wouldn't normally talk to

It's like a great big sweet shop full of men that you can pick from and maybe marry

It allows you to construct elaborate fantasies about being a farmer's wife

People you don't know send you pictures of their cock, which is always entertaining

People you don't know tell you all their secrets and they are BAD

Sometimes you meet someone and you actually have a relationship and sometimes they even work out

You realise some people are nice

And that some people should be shot

But mainly, it's a laugh. And you never know.



BAD THINGS ABOUT INTERNET DATING

People sending you pictures of their (unattractive) cocks

Emails that go: "Hi, you look hott. Can I cum on your face?" (No. Now fuck off.)

Emails that go: "I am looking for FUN and then possibly MARRIAGE with the right lade" (Oh.)

Thinking someone sounds good, then they tell you they like playing a round of golf with the boys on a Saturday morning
Meeting someone who, in the flesh, does not match their pictures/emails, because they are a) ugly b) twats

It costs a bit of money (or a lot of money if you're signed up on lots of sites - watch out for the 'automatic renewal' box - and DON'T say yes, unless you're sure you like the site)

You can search for 2 hours (only if nothing else to do and/or drunk) and see only people whose name you wouldn't have remembered at university

Photographs of men leaning on their car

Photographs of men with the woman also in the picture SCRUBBED OUT WITH A PIN

Photographs of men with someone else's baby

Men who are separated. They are not divorced. They have issues. Avoid.

Backache

Headache

RSI

Detoriating eyesight

The almost constant reminder that most people can't spell

And are ugly.

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