Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Internet Dating: Can I Expect A Good ROI?

The best things in life aren't free. This short piece may give you some idea of what ROI (Return On Investment, not Republic of Ireland - do keep up at the back) you can expect from your internet dating site membership fees, and includes a possible way of re-couping your hard-earned cash. Especially if you're still sitting alone one the sofa chainsmoking and watching out-takes of 'Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps' on a Tuesday evening.

I first tried internet dating in 1999. Of the seven years that have since elapsed, I would estimate that I have been 'active' for 3 years. (Not continuous years; bits of years put together to make three, interspersed with long periods of gainful employment, boyfriends, friends, incipient insanity, and generally trying to do things that are constructive). The maths works out a little like this:

£40 (2 x £20 pcm) x 12 x 3 = £1,440

For this investment, I have acquired:

4 x boyfriends + 5 x very good friends = 9 x gentlemen

£1,400 : 9 = £160 per head.

Here's how you can recoup your cash. If someone you meet online and like but don't fancy (or vice-versa, or by mutual agreement) meets a friend of yours and they 'get it on', you could consider charging commission. I would suggest 25%, which would mean a total possible refund of £40 per head, and would cover:

- cost of membership of site;
- emotional energy (time + energy + mild disappointment)

You could of course just thank the Sweet Lord of Internet Dating for the fact that this is how people people actually do meet: it's just a series of weird coincidences, and if Karma exists, they'll return the favour.

On the other hand, you could just stick with it. After all, you only need to get it right once.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

republic of ireland gag is copyright patrick sherriff - times newspapers circa 1998

5:53 PM  
Blogger Datingmonkey said...

Dear Anonymous Correspondent,
If you are Patrick Sherriff, I apologise for unwittingly using 'your' gag - but I'm sure you'll agree it's not the most intelligent of jokes, so there are probably lots of people who have made the same joke over and again without knowing who invented it.
If you're not Patrick Sherriff, just wondered why you bothered to point out my total lack of originality?
All the best

6:34 PM  

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