Thursday, May 25, 2006

The Busy Executive's Guide To Profiles

Millions of profiles. Seconds to read each. You haven't got time to waste.

Bear these points in mind as you browse, and love will come skipping into your inbox before you can say 'let's run it up the flagpole and see who salutes it'.

For the Ladies:

Dismiss immediately if profile includes the following:

Bad spelling

Pictures: Facial topiary, i.e. over-elaborate sculpted facial hair; blurred photograph; in a photograph with another woman

Where I live: I share a flat with friends (if over 43); I live with my parents (if over 30)

Hobbies: Civil War re-enactment; Star Wars conventions; gynaecology

Marital status: Separated; I have just got out of a relationship

Pets: reptiles; more than 2 dogs; llamas

I am looking for: 'Looks not important - all I am seeking is a good heart and 3 out of 4 limbs'

For the Gentlemen:

Dismiss immediately if profile includes the following:

Bad spelling; excessive use of exclamation marks; LOL; smileys

Pets: I live alone with 3 cats - 'my babies'

Marital status: I have been single for 7 years; I am trying to rebuild my life after my husband left me for his secretary

Photographs: With soft toys; with lots of female friends looking 'wacky'; photograph taken after a 'makeover' day at the local high street photographer

About me: "I am a kooky, bubbly, fun-loving girl who likes going out and staying in. I'm looking for someone to protect me, and laugh in the rain"

Good luck, busy people. You deserve to find love too.


Blogger Annie Drogynous said...

I always find it rather questionable when a man in his 40's has never been married. Ya' gotta' wonder WTF he's waiting for!

11:17 AM  
Blogger Datingmonkey said...

Very good point my dear! They usually live with their mothers, these one. And wear inappropriate trousers. x

11:47 AM  
Blogger Morris said...

Excellent advice, we have similar thoughts. As for a man in his 40s not being married, that's okay. He is just likes the no strings attached relationships, and needs to grow up!

1:01 PM  
Blogger Datingmonkey said...

Morris, may I say how much I admire your work. Your blog is a sensation. When I have the wherewithal to do it, I will put you up as a recommendation to my readers.

There are of course exceptions to every rule, and you - I suspect - are one of those. Although why, dear boy, do you not want a slightly more permanent relationship? I rather like them, as it goes, although I spent a long time not liking them much.


1:11 PM  

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