A QUESTION FROM A READER

Hi Datingmonkey,

I am a huge fan of your blog - I think you're hilarious. Here's my
question:

I've never tried internet dating sites, but am considering it. Mostly, I'm afraid of getting caught on one of those sites. How do you deal with the possible humiliation of having your profile seen by somebody that you know and then being considered a desperate or pathetic?

Thanks!

Ellen


My dear Ellen

I am pre-disposed to answer your question seriously as you are a Fan, and Heaven only knows they are few and far between. Still, you are obviously a woman of great good taste and for that, I salute you.

To your question, my dear.

Two options:

Option One

On most internet dating sites, you can 'hide' your photograph and only make it visible to those to whom you choose to make it visible. This is excellent if you are nervous of being discovered by a sneering colleague, but (unfortunately) not so good if you want to attract a lot of attention - as the simple fact is that profile photographs attract more attention.

Option Two

Take the bull by the horns, and the horse by the bit. Say it loud: "I'm internet dating and proud". I honestly believe that it isn't either desperate or pathetic anymore. In fact, amongst my group of friends (none of whom are desperate or pathetic), if you're single, you're a bit weird if you DON'T do it. I remember when I started internet dating about 7 years ago it was a bit weird, and you were allowed to be a bit embarrassed by it; now, people go 'oh' when you tell them how you've met your new boyfriend.

I suggest you go for it. Do it with grace, spirit, and a bit of elan. Get a big smiling picture of yourself. Write an honest, funny, sweet profile. Go and look and lots and lots of boys. Go on lots and lots of dates. Have fun doing it. You will meet a lot of people. And one of them might just be right for you.

And now to these people you are afraid of 'catching' you do it. Here's a thing: they'll only catch you doing it if they are on the sites themselves. But more to the point, anyone sneering at anyone making an honest attempt to find a lovely partner should have a sharp slap delivered to the back of their head, and be told to grown up in very severe tones. I don't think I'd care much about the opinion of these out-of-date looooo-sers, whose idea of socialising is probably going to the bar they always go to with the people they've always known, drinking 14 quarts of beer, trying to get off with the nearest person they can lay their hands on, then going home and falling asleep fully clothed on their sofa encased in a miasma of their own stench.

Listen, you sound like a sweetie. If you're a bit shy, try the 'hide profile photograph' option. (Match.com does it and is a good place to start). Then, if you feel braver, expose yourself (as it were). And if anyone dares judge you, put your chin up, look them in the eye, and say: "And your point is what, exactly?".

With love (and tell me how it goes)

DM xxx

PS you can also meet a lot of top new friends by doing internet dating. I met 3 great friends doing it, let alone all the rest of it ...