Sunday, May 07, 2006


I've met someone I really like through an internet dating site. We get on really well, but I still feel a bit weird about it - I'm a bit embarrassed and think it's a bit spoddy, which means I'm not taking our relationship entirely seriously. Should I be worried?

I hear ya.

Listen. A lot of people worry about this stuff. Reasons include:

1. You pay money to meet someone.
2. You 'meet' without meeting.
3. There are a lot of chancers and weirdos out there.
4. Computers are spoddy.
5. It's for saddos.

Fear not. Answers thus.

It costs money.

So does going to a bar, buying a new 'top' (whatever that is), having your nails done (US only - we don't bother with that sort of nonsense in the UK), buying rounds of drinks, and getting a taxi home.

At least with internet dating you can spend about £20 a month and sit at home and check out the talent. It may work. It may not. But it's better than the grinding fuck-awful depression of 'going on the pull' which usually ends up with an unsatisfactory one night stand, or coming home and eating cake in front of the telly and realising you've caned £80 in an evening for absolutely no reason.

Looking for someone = getting out in the world. Unless you are planning to stand outside your house with a placard, you are going to have to spend some cash, if only on a bus fare and a cup of tea.

Conclusion: the monetary transaction ain't important.

You 'meet' without meeting.

Yeah, that's the point of internet dating. Also known as: millions of people being put before you to choose from, based on some basic search criteria. (In my case: do I like the look of their face? Can they write? Are they funny? Would we have anything to talk about? Don't worry about it any further than that, there's no point.)

Conclusion: you only actually 'meet' once you've, er, met in the flesh. Then it's real life. Before then, you haven't really met. You're just increasing your chances of meeting someone you might like.

There are a lot of chancers and weirdos out there.

Have you been outside recently? Just travelling to work and paying attention will tell you that the world is full of complete idiots and lunatics, as well as a lot of perfectly ordinary, nice people. More chance of meeting a freakshow in my local pub than there is on the internet, of that I'm sure.

Conclusion: What's your point?

Computers are spoddy.

Oh, grow up. It's not 1985. You may have noticed that you are able to bank, shop, insure, make music, make films, talk to your best mate in Australia in real time, find anything you want in about 2 seconds flat and generally have access to the world via a thing which is, in my case, about 12 inches by 10 inches, made of metal, and has a lead that goes into the wall and does something clever. That's not spoddy. That's fucking genius.

Conclusion: One of my best mates is a very talented artist who, for a day job, happens to design some sort of mind-fuckingly clever systems for banks that make people able to do stuff with billions and billions of dollars. If you can do that, there's a high chance you're quite clever. And to do it well, you have to be able to communicate with other people. Which means you will also have social skills. I always think you should take particular interest in people who say they work in IT but write beautifullly. These people are clever. Computers are not spoddy.

It's for saddos.

No it's not. I'm not prepared to discuss this any further. It's just not. We're past the tipping point (or whatever wank expression you want to use). If you're single and over 30 and DON'T do internet dating, you're probably certifiably insane.

Don't worry. It's just another way of meeting people. What you do with the relationship is up to you. If you fuck it up, or those relationships keep going wrong, it's easy to blame 'internet dating' - which is the same as blaming the pub you met your boyfriend in for the relationship going wrong if you split up.


Hot love




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