Sunday, June 25, 2006

Summer Special: Internet Dating Profile Picture Clinic

When summer comes, thoughts turn to love. And what better way of finding it than a spot of light internet dating?

But it's not that easy to get it right when it comes to photographs. So, for this week only, I will be offering a free and objective point of view on your profile pictures. Do send them in.


Dear Datingmonkey

I'm looking for a classy guy. I think of myself as a classy lady, so I think this gives off the right signals. What do you think?

Thanks.

Jackie, Dunfermeline














Dear Jackie

No, sorry. Common. Like you charge for sex. And spend your earnings on Lambert & Butler and Bacardi Breezers. And what's with the eyeliner? Very '83.

Best wishes

DM


Dear DM

I think mystery is the thing that keeps relationships alive, so I thought I'd put up this 'mysterious' photograph, with the title 'Mysterious Lady'. I think it's a winning formula. What do you think?

Thanks ever so much.

Beverley, Swansea













Dear Bev

Did your neglectful mother get drunk one night in 1973, leaving you in the vicinity of an easily-accessible pan of boiling chip fat?

Best

DM



Dear Datingmonkey,

I'm thrilled to pieces with this super photograph - informal but smart, I thought, with the splash of colour from Mummy's tea cup. What do you think?

Yours ever,

Giles













Dear Giles

Thank you for your enquiry.

I suggest a more informal shot - an insouciant pose against a tree, with, perhaps, a pipe in hand? More importantly, however, your winsome smile suggests you are not 'au fait' with the workings of the ladyparts. If this is the case, can I suggest a tweed cap as an addition to your ensemble?

All the best, and do let me know how it goes,

DM


Dear Dating Monkey

I think this one gives off 'sassy and sexy'. What do you think?

Thanks.

Jo, Bexhill














Dear Jo

Very good effort!

All the best

DM

6 Comments:

Blogger wrinkled weasel said...

One of the funniest, most acutely observed blogs I have ever seen.

You hit the mark like a scud missile.


Keep it up, I am in total awe!

ww

7:56 PM  
Blogger Datingmonkey said...

Thanks, man. I love having fans. It keeps me going on the long summer evenings.

I kiss you.

DM x

8:15 PM  
Blogger wrinkled weasel said...

mmmm nice kiss. I'm getting mmm, grated fennel with a hint of Beaumes de Venise

10:33 PM  
Anonymous a feminist said...

I'm not sure how to comment accurately on this, a mere "lol" doesn't even begin to sum it up really :)

1:34 AM  
Blogger shirley said...

Hee! Tell Bev to show us her belly button!

5:31 AM  
Blogger Anomie-Atlanta said...

This site is humorous and so true! I look forward to seeing more.

9:29 PM  

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