Your Internet Dating Questions Answered with Datingmonkey

Lawks. There's something in the air. I could barely open the heavily-leaded front door of Datingmonkey Towers this morning because of the enormous amount of correspondence I've received in the last two days from enthusiastic readers. Here's a sample.


Should I take my mother on a date?







Hola Datingmonkey!

How you hangin'? Listen. Here's me and my Mom on holiday in Mexico City. She's my best friend. I love her more than anyone in the world. But a guy's gotta move on, and it's time for me to meet a wife. But how can any woman live up to my beautiful Mommy? Should I take her on my dates and get her to choose? (I'm already making a lot of progress by searching for women who meet pretty much all my Mom's physical attributes, although no WAY could they ever be more beautiful.)

What do you think?

Stan, Ohio

P.S. Dad died when I was five and a half. Mom hasn't got a boyfriend because I said she couldn't.


Dear Stan

2 questions: are your feet swollen? And is your mother's name Jocasta? Yes? You're asking me why? No matter.

Now, before going any further, please read this. If you haven't got the hint, go to the obviously splendid Ohio Psychotherapy Directory, phone up the person with the name that you like the best, and say the following (no moving away from the script, if you please): "Hello my name is Stan. I have an unconscious desire for the exclusive love of my mother, and have murderous thoughts about any man that tries to assume the role of father-figure. Help me."

These simple steps should help. In the meantime, please remove your profile from all internet dating sites immediately.

All the best

DM


There's something wrong with my internet girl

Dear Datingmonkey

I have met a super girl and we've been on about 10 dates. I really feel there's something developing between us that could have long lasting potential. But there's something about her that I can't put my finger on. I'm not sure if it's something about the way she looks, or if it's something else - but it's really standing in the way of me entering into a longer-term commitment. Could you have a quick look at this picture? Can YOU see anything untoward? It's really annoying me now.

Thanks so much.

Reg, Lyme Regis





Dear Reg

Not sure about the earrings, and the hair's a little harsh. Otherwise, fine.

All the best

DM


Cliff Richard's Getting In The Way Of Love

Dear DM

Thanks for all your hard work on behalf of the internet dating community. We all appreciate you more every day.

Here's my problem. I've been emailing a girl I met on Match.com. She seems great. Tomorrow night we're moving on to 'webcam action', but she's asked if I can wear a mask bearing the face of Cliff Richard when we talk. Do you think that's weird?

Thanks DM. And keep up the good work.

Ken, Melbourne


Dear Ken

Yes, if you don't like the work of Sir Cliff. If you do - get her to slip on a Lulu c. 1968. Could be fun.

Best

DM