How Long Should I Wait Before We Meet?

Dear Datingmonkey,

How long should you wait before you actually meet someone you meet online? I've just started and I've been emailing with someone for about a week and he seems like a very nice guy. But I'm afraid if we wait too long to meet and he or I are disappointed, it will be a lot more of a letdown. Plus, Ithink I've already told him too much and it will be awkward meeting him at all.

So what's a good amount of time to wait?

Sincerely,

Ellen


Dearest Ellen

Thank you for your excellent question.

Before you wonder about when you will meet, SPEAK TO HIM ON THE PHONE. Someone who sounds great on email may have a voice like Pee Wee, or a tongue that's too big for his mouth. Neither of these lead to good dates, in my experience. (If he doesn't want to speak on the phone he's either married or insane, so avoid him.)

Anyway, assuming you speak on the phone and you like the sound of him, arrange to meet. (The cunning thing about speaking on the phone is that it usually comes up in conversation, so you don't have to worry about it.)

When? Well, I've met people on the same day and after 3 months of emailing. I suggest within 2 weeks, if you can. That way, as you say, you avoid 'disappointment' (which is in fact just being pissed off that you've spent that amount of time emailing a total idiot with a tongue that's too big for his mouth), and you get it over and done with. Because the longer you leave it, the bigger a deal it becomes.

And finally: it's only a date. In the grand scheme of things, if it goes wrong it doesn't matter. And if it goes wrong? Just get online and find someone nicer to go on a date with. And if it goes right, it means you haven't wasted weeks emailing someone you'd rather be with in person. Result all round, I say.

Oh, and don't worry about having told him too much. What's said in email suddenly seems totally unimportant once you meet. I'm not sure why; it just does.


Good luck!

DM x