Friday, June 30, 2006

Summer Special: Internet Dating Profile Picture Clinic: Part 2

Such has been the popularity of my internet dating profile picture clinic (in which I offer my loyal readers objective advice on their photographs), I've hardly had time to comb the lice from my monkey head. Here's a selection of today's submissions, but keep them coming in, friends: it's what I'm here for. Email them to me. Come on, don't be shy - we're all friends here.

Hello to Dating monkey
Hi from Japan!!!! on some days my legs don't work. We made special computer table at school. Show it, yes? No?
Love from

Dear Kitten

Miaow! When you say 'legs don't work', what do you mean exactly? Do send a reply soonest and I'll get onto this immediately.

Nice bunches.

Love from

DM xx

Dear Datingmonkey
After many years of wearing contact lenses I've finally 'bowed to the inevitable' and am now wearing full-time spectacles. (A choice that became inevitable after 5 consecutive bouts of viral conjunctivitis.) What do you think? Keep them on for the photograph, or take them off? Plus, as you can see I have had a loose perm. Do you think it's succesful?
Thanks in advance.
Janet, Bury St Edmunds

Dearest Janet
Darling, you've got SUCH a sweet smile that I don't think either your specs or hair are going to make much difference.
Good luck!

Yo, DM!
I'm thinking: summer. I'm thinking: relaxed. I'm thinking: stylish, cool, popular, and familiar with the ladies' favourite, the cocktail. Thoughts?
Keep it real.
Jeff, Ealing

Dear Jeff
I'm thinking: cock. So I am also thinking: it must be working!
Keep it - as you say - real.
All the best

Dear Datingmonkey
Having recently achieved a 2:2 in Industrial Communications from the University of Dorset, I thought this picture (posed in a studio and taken by a professional photographer, naturally) would appeal to the more intellectual lady. Let me know if you agree, and don't be afraid to be honest - I'm feeling confident about this one.
Chris, Plymouth

Dear Chris
Honestly? You look like you're looking up an 18 year old Marketing Studies student's skirt. You therefore look very slightly like a dirty old man, but only very slightly.
Very best wishes

Dear Datingmonkey
I have recently had some facial remodelling work done. I know my teeth are a bit prominent but do you think it's OK to use this photograph or do you think it might put people off?
Thanks very much.
Lucy, London

Dear Lucy
Wassup, sista. The best kinds of gentlemen like a lady with a bit of 'bite', as they say, so I say: keep the teeth IN.
With love
DM x


Blogger EuroYank said...

Great Blog! Easy to read. Well written. Great colors!

2:47 AM  

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